Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
