plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
