why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize