Cold hands, warm shart.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
