thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
