Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
