Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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