If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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