sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Randomize
