this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
