well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
