what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
