Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
