That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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