he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
