there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
