dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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