I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
