I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
