I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
