What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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