his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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