I looked at my own cervix.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
