I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
