remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
