fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
