How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize