I'm passing your future prison.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
