i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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