I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
