Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
