It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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