I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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