Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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