in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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