I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
