I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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