mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
