Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
