Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
