i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Randomize
