i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
