i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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