i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
