I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
