I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
It was a blind-side dick pic.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize