the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
