just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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