apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
