I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
His hands were made for my vagina.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
