Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
