my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
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