your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
