guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
