I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
