bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
