dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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