I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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