I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
