Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Randomize
