So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
