I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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