just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
