You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
