He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
