Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
