fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
