Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
