I haven't been this sober since birth.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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