I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
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