I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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