i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
